love

Love is the eyes that twinkle when you tell him that he is handsome or how it crinkles when you make him laugh.

but its also the tears that are in the brink of falling because doubts and fears eat you up.

love is the smell that never ceases to be gone wherever you go and that smell reminds you of him,

but its also the foul stink of lies and manipulations that come off his mouth.

love is the ears that willingly listen to you and all your problems - good or bad, its the ears the listens to you wholeheartedly,

but its also the ears that fail to open when arguements rise at times.

love is the mouth that showers the sweetest words---words of assurance and comparison. that words that reel you to love him more,

but its also the words that are said out of impulsiveness that shoot daggers into your hearts that make you bleed.

love is the skin that covers you entirely. the one that is stripped off naked and uncovers you trueself ; vulnerable, fearful and restricted.

but its also the skin that perishes when both of you got "too much" of well, both of you.

love is you--the good and bad.

its your lullabies and cries, your happy and sad, your peaceful and angry, and most importantly, its you.

and when we were stripped off to our trueselves, when i saw you, i love you.

because love is you.

and love is a choice.

and i chose to love you.

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Since everyone talks about Lesty dan Bilar, gue cuma bisa bilang do not ever romanticise abusive men, walaupun kita sebagai perempuan kadang antara sayang sama dongo itu beda tipis ya..tapi menurut gue ketika seorang laki-laki udah berani main fisik sampai si perempuan babak belur apalagi itu istrinya sendiri.. itu udah sakit sih.

Terlebih berkeliaran di fyp Tiktok tentang hal ini, dan gue baru tau kalau banyak.. sekali lagi gue ulang, banyak bangeeet yang mengalami hal seperti ini sampe gue no words, meanwhile our generation is now romancing the toxic masculinity. How the fuck is an abusive boyfriend a pride? How are bruises found ornamental? Why do women pretend to enjoy physical abuse so much? abusive relationships are so common in our society that people think it is normal?

Abusers like to isolate the victim from their family and friends, so that they're easier to control, dan si korban akan merasa bersalah ketika gak ngikutin kemauan si abuser ini atau pergi dengan orang lain selain dia. Please, understand the kind of pain he's putting you through, the kind of trauma? the kind of depression you will go into once this is all over? oh right, he is going to leave you. 

its a very sad and unfortunate position to be in, we're all know that people go blind when they're in love, tp pls dimengerti bahwa you're no one's slave, you have a life and that's noone business, seek help if you need. Talk to your family, your friends, get help.

WOMEN SUPPORT WOMEN

Apasih women support women itu? adalah gerakan/cara bagi para wanita untuk mendukung satu sama lain dan mensyukuri diri mereka sebagai 'wanita'. tapi, menurut gue gerakan ini still kind of a bullshit karena masih banyak atau bahkan sebagian besar dari society kita masih sama - sama saling melakukan bullying sesama perempuan.

we may support women's right, what about women's wrong? menurut gue secara pribadi, tidak semua perempuan deserve 'women support women' ini karena apa? banyak oknum yg menggunakan hal ini sebagai defender aja dari perempuan yg gamau disalahkan, atau cuma sekedar buat galang atensi & dukungan. diatas slogan ini tetep aja ada istilah "there's always two sides of a coin" jadi lebih baik didenger dulu, baru kita bisa tau apakah seseorang ini pantas dan butuh support dari kita semua karena sekalinya gak digunakan dengan bijak, kita semua sebagai perempuan yang akan kena imbasnya. tapi gue juga gak membenarkan juga ketika pihak perempuan yang salah kita berbondong-bondong bully mereka atau bahkan terparahnya sampai wishing them death. still, every woman deserves respect, happiness, and freedom.

so, kalian termasuk yang pro dengan slogan/gerakan ini atau tidak? 

My Favorite Almost

Almost seems scarier than endings ; because almost means we were getting there ---- reaching to the point of what we were fighting for, the finish line we are going for straight ahead.

but, almost.

we were so close in reaching the things we prayed for, the goals we dreamed of but, almost.

we were so close in reaching the stars but the way of the world didnt let us be or so i thought. hence, almost.

you had my heart beating in every possible way. my mind reeled to different possibilities. my soul reaching for yours.

you showed me what the world is like, what i deserved.

you made me love you to the brink of me putting my heart on my sleeves without any warning that you can easily snatch it and never give it back to me.

you made me feel all the possible emotions and feelings--a roller coaster ride we are in.

a rollercoaster ride i will never get tired of.

a rollercoaster ride i wil never cease to pray for.

a rollercoaster ride i will pay a million for it to never end.

a rollercoaster ride that is just you, me and the love i pray for daily.

almost

almost

almost

us, almost.

it goes together

Hi, How are you?

it's been along time since i haven't blogged. guess what? i miss it so much. like there's something i have to tell about, something i have to write. then i remember i have my old blog that i used to share my story.sejak gue lulus dari kampus tercinta yaitu Unpad pada tahun lalu, gue pindah lagi ke Bekasi dan alhamdulillah sekarang gue kerja di salah satu company didaerah Jakarta Utara, my life completely different, yang tadinya ngerasa bebas selama kurleb 4 tahun karena ngekos.. bebas dalam arti bisa main kapanpun yang gue mau, keluar malem bisa, makan apa aja bisa bareng temen2. sekarang balik lagi ke kehidupan gue dirumah, jujur seneng banget karena gue bisa hemat karena diurusin sama mama papa lagi hehehe di kantor pun, i have new friends, new problems, new habit, and the most important is i have a new life;)
my new life is like a roller coaster. sometimes it goes up slowly than suddenly it goes faster to get right in the bottom.i miss my old me. i miss my old life. i miss everything in the past. but now? i should probably live my life better than before. NO, its not "should" but have to.
everything will come once god decided that i deserve the thing.